Hey, it’s Tiff again. Now I’m usually fine with being open about my anxiety but the thing is, I’ve been trying to ignore a bigger problem that has been apart of my life for some time and it’s my depression. For a while, I’ve been teetering on whether or not to tell people I was or am still depressed because for several months, I was on top of my game and I didn’t even think I felt depressed. Things just made sense around me and my confidence was better than ever. However, I’ve come to a conclusion that it’s back and with that, I’ve been trying to find solutions to fix myself back to wherever I was a few months ago.
The beginning of August was when my anxiety and depression started chewing little holes in my thoughts and those thoughts have, since, worsened to the point that conversation is so hard for me. I’m difficult to talk to because I, literally, do not have the energy to open my mouth. It’s almost like I’m in Sailor Moon and my energy is being sucked out of me by Queen Beryl herself.
Another bit of nonsense that comes with this crud is that I can barely eat most of the time. It’s especially worse in the mornings because I’ve got work, so my first three days with my job, I ate one bite of my bagel and had to force myself to even swallow it. So, this means I end up with low energy because I burn through that one bite really quickly and my stomach is back on flat ground again. Today is my first day off, so I was able to eat a whole bagel and a red pear with some tea for breakfast. At my favorite bookstore, I got a coffee and a muffin but those gave me a stomach ache so I could only ingest about half of both. My boyfriend and I ate out at a little sandwich and soup shop and I felt even sicker after that. He’s, since, gone to the local humane society (to do good people things) and gone home so I’m just trying to collect my thoughts back at the bookstore and let my stomach settle.
I had tried talking to my mom about my anxiety/depression and she said she wasn’t sure she could help but she gave me a suggestion of contacting our local college to see about their (in training) counselor program. So just before I went into the store, I contacted them and I was told a very low and convenient price; however, their wait list goes on until October. I know myself well enough to know I can’t go that long without help so I thanked the woman and decided to do a little more research. So far, I’ve found two other clinics to contact and I’ll try those numbers and hope there isn’t a wait list. My only other hope after that is to go speak to the doctor I used to go to and start on medication, again. I don’t like taking medicine because I have a fear of addiction but my shitty feelings are out-weighing that, right now.
I’ll try to keep y’all updated as much as I can and any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’ve just set us up a twitter page if you ever want to talk to any of us privately. If anyone wants to tell us how they’re feeling they are more than welcome to message us on there! I want to build a better relationship with everyone. Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/iffybiffy100